Over the last few years something disgusting has been growing in football. This has manifested itself in the most revolting of trends; the half-and-half, or split, scarf. You may or may not be aware of the split scarf’s far more sinister cousin; the split shirt. Monstrosities like this.
However, I appear before you today to defend this, mostly out of a compulsion to be a contrarian.
I’ve recently moved to Australia. Football doesn’t exist here. There is a sport which, to the untrained eye, is ostensibly the same but on closer inspection is nothing like it. The indigenous “bogans” call this sport “soccer”. In its place as The Most Popular Sport they have what they call “football” but in which the players – beastly steroid-driven brutes of men – use their hands. This is rugby league and is governed by the evil overlord Tom Waterhouse. The highest level of this sport is a test match called State of Origin in which the best players in the league (and by extension, the world), are chosen to represent the state in which they made their debut. This takes the form of three games between Queensland and New South Wales.
I live in New South Wales. My parents used to live in Queensland. And since it was their habitation in that humid state which resulted in my coming to this country in the first place I naturally feel some affinity towards it. This leaves me in an awkward position when it comes to the subject of which team to “barrack for”. It would be quite handy to have a half-and-half scarf or shirt so I could sit there contentedly no matter what the result. Of course I realise that this would probably get me beaten up by some angry NRL fans.
It is for this reason, my wanting to belong and be a part of it, which leads me to defend the aforementioned monstrosities. For fans not familiar with the nuances of supporting football teams and with no direct or inherited association to any club, then “to feel a part of it” is the closest thing you can have. Long live the half-and-half sca… wait what am I saying? Damn them to hell! Or worse, the antipodes!